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DO NOT buy Hartz UltraGuard or Sergeant’s Gold Flea/Tick control for your pets

I applied SERGEANT'S GOLD SQUEEZE-ON to my cats about 24 hours ago from the time of this writing, and here's my report, which I'm posting after finding countless horror stories about the side effects of this and other similar products on the internet concerning this and similar over-the-counter flea control products, such as those marketed by Hartz under the UltraGuard brand.

FIRST, BEFORE I GET STARTED: if your cat or dog is foaming at the mouth, vomiting, or stumbling more than a little bit, or exhibiting any other weird/aberrant/abhorrent behaviors, STOP RIGHT NOW, TURN OFF THE COMPUTER, AND GET YOUR PET[S] TO A QUALIFIED VETERINARIAN IMMEDIATELY. FULL STOP.

THE EARLIER A VET GETS THEIR HANDS ON YOUR PET AND CAN BEGIN TREATMENT, THE MORE LIKELY YOUR PET IS TO SURVIVE. YOU CAN COUNT ON A BILL IN EXCESS OF $1000; SAVE YOUR SERGEANT'S GOLD OR OTHER PRODUCT PACKAGING BECAUSE THERE MAY OR MAY NOT BE A COMPANY POLICY WITH REGARDS TO REFUNDS AND/OR DAMAGES IN THE CASE OF THE DEATH OF YOUR PET THAT THEY WILL WELSH ON IF YOU CANNOT PROVE YOU BOUGHT IT.

That said, here's my experience in detail...