…I get griped at for exceeding budget on a site, I’ll show the client this.
The Manhattan Project exceeded its initial budget by….oh, only about thirty-three million percent or so.
The 62-foot statue of Jesus built by a megachurch just off I-75 near Cincinnati, known locally as “Touchdown Jesus“, was destroyed last night by lightning.
God was unavailable for comment on this matter.
I’ve decided that the mcagent.exe process installed by McAfee’s Total Protection 2010 would be more aptly named “McHippie.exe”.
Why? Because it just sits around in a daze, doing nothing, while consuming all your resources.
Bah-rum-bump.
(With apologies to actual, honest-to-God, granola-eating hippies.)
| The Colbert Report | Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| The Word – Spyvate Sector | ||||
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So, it’s old news now, but I’ve found myself thinking a lot about the recent purchase of the Pontiac Silverdome in Detroit, Michigan for the paltry sum of $583,000USD.
Every time I think about it, I kick myself for failing to take this opportunity to buy my own stadium. I can’t explain why that is, exactly, but there it is. I don’t even know what I’d do with it if I had it (invite 80,000 of my closest friends over, I guess), but there’s a part of my brain that just seems wired to want to acquire something big that can be had cheap.
I then found myself wondering why the hell one of America’s 360 billionaires didn’t buy it. Because if I was a billionaire, I’d have bought it –just because– and had it torn down and trucked to me piece by piece and rebuilt. What the hell would I need to explain to anyone about this? I’m a billionaire, and this is my stadium. End of discussion.
The thought occurs to me that America needs a good old-fashioned crazy/eccentric billionaire. The kind that spends astonishing sums on really bizarre things. Not like, Island-of-Dr.-Moreau crazy, but more like Howard-Hughes-before-the-jars crazed/brilliant. The best we got now is Robert Downey, Jr. and Christian Bale playing eccentric, but “troubled”, billionaires. We need a real one.
Billionaires of America, your country needs you.
Hilarious. I would love to have been the fly on the wall watching this sequence of e-mails get read:
A little about myself, I am 37 years old, and worked as a mercenary driver in the Middle East. I have escorted important clients through high-risk areas in Iraq and Afghanistan for five years. I have seen a lot of action, and have ensured the safety of my clients. Out of all the jobs I have done, 90% of my clients arrived at their destination unharmed.
Stewart nails Jim Cramer:
From scholarships exclusively for the left-handed, to the Klingon Language Institute‘s scholarship, to America’s only bagpipe scholarship, here’s a look at the most unique college scholarships American higher-learning has to offer. [Link]
Georgia Pacific, you got some ‘splainin’ to do: [link]
A retired fella named Leo Hill noticed that the TP in his rolls seemed to run out quicker when he bought a 12-pack as opposed to a 4-pack. This odd scatalogical cognitive dissonance led him to count the number of sheets in his rolls of TP, coming up some forty-sheets short per-roll across a nine-roll average.
While The Denver Post tried –and failed– to replicate the results of the experiment, I submit that they’re beholden to the Toilet Paper Lobby and I would like to take this opportunity to call upon Toiletry’s noted authorities, The Toilet Museum, and Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader, to plumb this matter more deeply so that the sitting public can know relief.
The Brawny Lumberjack was unavailable for comment. He was last seen hollering for a spare roll at the outhouse.
