brandondawson.org Drupal Website Developer and Consultant

Brandon Takes a Phone Survey #1

One day, a survey-taker gave me a ring right around dinner time. I swear, they've got a call center in every time zone that they staff for only three hours a day, from 4-7pm, so they're sure they catch you when you're about to sink your teeth into some veal parmesan.

This survey taker started off sounding like he was going to talk politics. But the conversation quickly turned to the surreal, and it provoked my inner teenager into making an appearance.

The guy was calling people.....to ask about fire-starter logs.

Survey Guy: "May I ask you how many times a year you start a fire?"

Me: "That depends on whether we're counting arson. If we are counting arson, then I'd say about five times a year. If not, I'd say zero."

Survey Guy: "Oh-kay. And when you start fires, do you use <brand redacted> fire-starter logs?"

Me: "Well, usually I just use gasoline. Sometimes I get fancy and use some potassium chlorate or make a pretty molotov cocktail. But on the whole, I don't use fire-starter logs to commit my felonies, no."

SurveyGuy: (still totally on-script) "And when you..."

At this point, I just lost it and had to hang up.